Nothing has changed for the past 5 years. It is still clear why I choose to build the damn heart barriers. I still fucking hate the person I become when I let someone into my heart.
I was standing in the train back home. We had just said our goodnights. People hemmed in on all sides, voices and sounds all around. But, as cheesy as it sounds, all I heard was the sound of my quickened heartbeat. I felt only the heat from the blood sprinting through me, and the million fucking butterflies in my gut. I took deep breaths. God it hit me so hard that you already have this effect on me. I forgot how it’s like to wanna go out of the way (quite literally in your case) for somebody, how it’s like to wanna see someone smile, how it’s like to miss someone even when talking to her, and how it’s like to be happy just because she is.
Oh sunshine, I’m on the road to destruction, aren’t I?
You’re the first and last thing on my mind every fucking day.
This is one more piece of advice I have for you: don’t get impatient. Even if things are so tangled up you can’t do anything, don’t get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it’s ready to come undone. You have to figure it’s going to be a long process and that you’ll work on things slowly, one at a time.
—Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood (via wordsnquotes)